Three Kind of English

Wanna get something to eat? Friendspeak
Friendspeak is informal and filled with slang. Its sentence structure breaks all the rules that English teachers love. [Paid Recommendations^^: Using Mac photo recovery to recover your lost photos.] It’s the language of I know you and you know me and we can relax together. In friendspeak the speakers are on the same level. They have nothing to prove to each other, and they’re comfortable with each other’s mistakes. In fact, they make some mistakes on purpose, just to distinguish their personal conversation from what they say on other occasions. Here’s a conversation in friendspeak:

Me and him are going to the gym. Wanna come?
He’s like, I did 60 push-ups, and I’m like, no way.

I doubt that the preceding conversation makes perfect sense to many people, but the participants understand it quite well. Because they both know the
whole situation (the guy they’re talking about gets muscle cramps after 4 seconds of exercise), they can talk in shorthand.

I don’t deal with friendspeak in this book. You already know it. In fact, you’ve probably created a version of it with your best buds.

Do you feel like getting a sandwich? Conversational English
A step up from friendspeak is conversational English. [Paid Recommendations^^: Using photo recovery software to recover your lost photos.] Although not quite friendspeak, conversational English includes some friendliness. Conversational English doesn’t stray too far from your English class rules, but it does break some. You can relax, but not completely. It’s the tone of most everyday speech, especially between equals. Conversational English is — no shock here — usually for conversations, not for writing. Specifically, conversational English is appropriate in these situations:

  ✓ Chats with family members, neighbors, acquaintances
  ✓ Informal conversations with teachers and co-workers
  ✓ Friendly conversations (if there are any) with supervisors
  ✓ Notes, e-mails, instant messages, and texts to friends
  ✓ Comments in Internet chat rooms, bulletin boards, and so on
  ✓ Friendly letters to relatives

Conversational English has a breezy sound. Letters are dropped in contractions (don’t, I’ll, would’ve, and so forth). You may also skip words (Got a
minute? Be there soon! and similar expressions), especially if you’re writing in electronic media with a tight space requirement. In written form, conversational English relaxes the punctuation rules, too. Sentences run together, dashes connect all sorts of things, and half sentences pop up regularly. I’m using conversational English to write this book because I’m pretending that I’m chatting with you, the reader, not teaching grammar in a classroom situation.

Will you accompany me to the dining room? Formal English
You’re now at the pickiest end of the language spectrum: formal, grammatically correct speech and writing. [Paid Recommendations^^:data recovery to recover your lost photos.] Formal English displays the fact that you have an advanced vocabulary, a knowledge of etiquette, and command of standard rules of English usage. You may use formal English when you have less power, importance, and/or status than the other person in the conversation. Formal English shows that you’ve trotted out your best behavior in his or her honor. You may also speak or write in formal English when you have more power, importance, and/or status than the other person. The goal of using formal English is to impress, to create a tone of dignity, or to provide a suitable role model for someone who is still learning. Situations that call for formal English include:

✓ Business letters or e-mails (from or between businesses as well as from
individuals to businesses)
  ✓ Letters or e-mails to government officials
  ✓ Office memos or e-mails
  ✓ Reports
  ✓ Homework
  ✓ Communications to teachers
  ✓ Speeches, presentations, oral reports
  ✓ Important conversations (for example, job interviews, college interviews, parole hearings, congressional inquiries, inquisitions, sessions with the principal in which you explain that unfortunate incident with the stapler, and so on)

Think of formal English as a business suit. If you’re in a situation where you want to look your best, you’re also in a situation where your words matter. In business, homework, or any situation in which you’re being judged, use formal English.

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Phat gramma

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Psst! Want to be in the in-crowd? Easy. Just create an out-crowd and you’re all set. How do you create an out-crowd? Manufacture a spe-
cial language (slang) with your friends that no one else understands, at least until the media picks  it  up.  It’s  the  ultimate  friendspeak.  You
and your pals are on the inside, talking about a sketchy neighborhood (sketchy means “dan-gerous”). Everyone else is on the outside, won-
dering how to get the 411 (information). Should you  use  slang  in  your  writing?  Probably  not, unless you’re dealing with a good friend. The
goal of writing and speaking is communication, and slang may be a mystery to your intended audience.  Also,  because  slang  changes  so
quickly,  even  a  short  time  after  you’ve  writ-ten something, the meaning may be obscure.

Instead of cutting-edge, you sound dated. When you talk or write in slang, you also risk sounding  uneducated.  In  fact,  sometimes breaking the usual rules is the point of slang. In general, you should make sure that your readers know that you understand the rules before you start breaking them (the rules, not the readers) safely.

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Deciding Which Grammar to Learn

I n the Middle Ages, grammar meant the study of Latin, the language of choice for educated people. In fact, grammar was so closely associated
with Latin that the word referred to any kind of learning. This meaning of grammar shows up when people of grandparent-age and older talk about
their grammar school, not their elementary school. The term grammar school is a leftover from the old days. The very old days.

These days grammar is the study of language, specifically, how words are put together. Because of obsessive English teachers and their rules, grammar
also means a set of standards that you have to follow in order to speak and write better. However, the definition of better changes according to situation, purpose, and audience. I will show you the difference between formal and informal English and explain when each is called for. I also tell you what your computer can and can’t do to help you write proper English and give you some pointers about appropriate language for texting, tweeting, instant messaging, and similar technology.

I can hear the groan already. Which grammar? You mean there’s more than one? [Paid Recommendations^^: Using photo recovery to recover your lost photos.] Yes, there are actually several different types of grammar, including
historical (how language has changed through the centuries) and comparative (how languages differ from or resemble each other). Don’t despair; I deal with only two — the two you have to know in order to improve your speech and writing.

Descriptive grammar gives names to things — the parts of speech and parts of a sentence. When you learn descriptive grammar, you understand what
every word is (its part of speech) and what every word does (its function in the sentence). If you’re not careful, a study of descriptive grammar can go
overboard fast, and you end up saying things like “balloon” is the object of the gerund, in a gerund phrase that is acting as the predicate nominative of the linking verb “appear.” [Paid Recommendations^^: Using photo recovery for Mac to recover your lost photos on Mac.] Never fear: I wouldn’t dream of inflicting that level of terminology on you. However, there is one important reason to learn some grammar terms — to understand why a particular word or phrase is correct or incorrect.

Functional grammar makes up the bulk of English Grammar For Dummies. Functional grammar tells you how words behave when they are doing their
jobs properly. Functional grammar guides you to the right expression — the one that fits what you’re trying to say — by ensuring that the sentence is
put together correctly. When you’re agonizing over whether to say I or me, you’re actually solving a problem of functional grammar.

So here’s the formula for success: A little descriptive grammar plus a lot of functional grammar equals better grammar overall.

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